Because we're aliens, and that's how we roll.

I'm not into football- unless it's the Patriots. In that case, I pretend to know what's going on and cheer every other year when they somehow get to the Superbowl over and over again. But this year, that wasn't the case. The Pats weren't even in the Superbowl so I just kind of ignored it- until my Facebook inbox was filled with an unbelievable amount of hypemail.

BONUS DICTIONARY TIME!

hypemail; [highp-male]; (n);
(1.) An "urgent" message from a Facebook friend you're only connected to because of your membership to hundreds of truth groups. The message usually contains a false doomsday warning, an invite to a rally, or some fun facts about Barack Hussein.

Example sentence:
"ALIEN MISSLE AIMED AT EARTH. PASS ON TO ALL FRIENDS. URGENT URGENT URGENT!!!!!," read my latest hypemail.

Now I know what you're all thinking- "Wait, I thought she was a crackhead conspiracy theorist. Why would she diss her "hypemail"?

Well, the truth is- real truthers don't just email everyone every two seconds. We stay on the DL most of the time, and if something needs to get published, we send it into Infowars or stick to our personal blogs.

Regardless, the hypemail I got after the superbowl read somewhere along the lines of:

"SUPERBOWL COMMERCIAL HINTS AT REPTILLIAN OCCUPATION AND NEW WORLD ORDER."

I found that to be questionable, so I read it, clicked the link, and this is what I was lead to. Enjoy.



Okay, so it's funny, yes? Erm- I hope?

>.<

I actually didn't laugh. At all. I got that weird sick-to-my-stomach nervous feeling that I get every time I look at Barack Hussein. And no, it's not a good feeling.

To me, the whole minute-long commercial WREEKS of Reptillian and NWO undertones, just like my hypemail warned me about.

Let's take it part-by-part.

It starts out with verbal child-abuser Alec Baldwin greeting "Earth" and referring to himself as a "tv star." TAKE NOTE OF THE QUOTATION MARKS HE NOTICABLY MAKES WITH HIS HANDS. Right away, sirens are going off in my mind. To me, it seemed like he was trying to stay on easy terms with us "earthlings" until his true identity is revealed at the end of the commercial. Let's go on.

We're then led to the UNDERGROUND labratory. If you're versed in reptillian theory, you know something's up. For those of you not so versed, it's said that the legendary terrestrial A'nunakki live underground and that the activities going on at Area 51 are investigating their underground territories.

Back to the commercial.

Baldwin then laughs at the fact that TV could possibly rot your brain, and claims that it won't rot- it will simply "soften the brain, to take it all the way."

"Soften?" Um, why does my brain need softening? My brain is the most important organ in my body. And what the heck and am I "taking it all the way" to? Alec?

"We've created Hulu. Hulu beams TV directly to your portable computing device, giving you more of the cerebral gelatinising shows you want anytime, anywhere for free."

Uhh.. Alec? You didn't answer my question or even finish your sentence. Yeah, I get it. I get Family Guy or something on my laptop. Cool. But where am I taking my "softened" mushy brain "all the way" to?

Baldwin then uses an X-ray device to examine one of the people's brains while watching the Hulu monitor. It looks like yellow jello, bounding and mushing around in there. Alec seems to be creepily aroused by the sight. Yeah, somehow I just used "Alec Baldwin" and "aroused" in the same sentence. Kill me now.

And then he starts like... freaking out. Line, please.

"And the best part is, there's nothing you can do to stop it. I mean, what are you gonna do? Turn off your TV and your computer? HAHAHA"

This is where I was kind of like- "Oh snap. He's totally right." Because in all honesty- the sheeple can't and won't disconnect themselves from the digital world. Heck, I won't even do that. I live on this here intarweb.

So, what are you gonna do about that, Alec?

"Once your brain is reduced to a cottage-cheese-like mush, we'll scoop them out with a melon-baller and eat them right up. Oops, I think I'm drooling a little."

Ohhh, now I get it. Hulu was designed to soften my brain enough so that "TV stars" will eat it. Awesome.

And while that thought was going through my head, I'm suddenly like "OMG," because a giant green TENTACLE comes out of Alec Baldwin's jacket and like... rubs his head or something!

And he ends the whole thing with:

"Because we're aliens- and that's how we roll."

OMG, I was all over /x/- and I wasn't alone. It was totally a bri/x/ moment. And if you don't know what I just meant by that, lurk moar.

ANYHOO- SHEEPLE: This commercial is NOT just an "LOL ALEC BALDWIN" thing. This commercial is literally putting the Reptillian/NWO/Illuminati agenda into the simplest terms possible and trying to get you to laugh about it.

I know, you all think I'm on crack right now, but come on. Don't try to convince me this commercial didn't make you a little uneasy.

Ugh.
Thoughts?

-HeidiFaith